10 Reasons Why I Wish Manny NO Success in L.A.

1) Manny is an asshole. My, my how quickly my opinion of one player can change within just one week. This sure as hell doesn’t give a good sign of what’s going to happen if my future girlfriend and I have a bad week. But either way, whatever happened this week between the FO and Manny, he made it way worse than it could have been and handled it in the worst way possible. The antics on the field during the Angels series was one thing, but the comments he made were pouring gasoline on the fire. “The Red Sox don’t deserve a player like me”? Eat a bag of dicks Manny.

2) I’m an asshole. I flat out wouldn’t be able to handle it if Manny went into Hollywood and tore it up. I’m a greedy type of guy. If what you’re doing doesn’t benefit me in any way than their success pisses me off. I’m a jealous asshole.

3) Speaking of Hollywood… It’s only been ONE day since Manny has been a Dodger and yet I’ve heard how Hollywood is the best fit for Manny and his persona. Manny being Manny goes Hollywood…just thinking about it makes me sick. You thought the Sox let Manny get away with hell? Just wait and see what the Dodgers let Manny get away with within the span of 2-3 months.

4) All of a sudden he’s Mr. Nice Guy. Now that Manny finds himself out of Boston and on a losing (but improved) team he needs to make it known just how fucking happy he is to be there. It’s such cliche bullshit and Manny found out how to put a new spin on it. He looked like a fool during his press conference, joking around with the media as if they’re not going to be as brutal on him as Boston reporters were…it’s Hollywood for God’s sake.

5) Seeing Jason Bay play one game in left made me feel orgasmic. I had completely forgotten what it was like to see a line drive heading to left and not have to hold my breath. Bay showed in one game just how easy it is to cover the ground in left, which is something Manny still was having trouble figuring out. (No one knows the bounces and the wall better than Manny but he’s just such a slow, lazy, fat fuck.) Anyone else see the gap shot that Manny didn’t chase down in Dodger Stadium? The ball that him and Andrew Jones both looked at each other wondering when the other was going to go retrieve it? What a fat, lazy fuck. Nothing is going to change with him. I can’t wait to see the adventures he has in the significantly larger left field at Dodger Stadium. Oh, and there’s no DH option Manny!

6) His disability to make a decision. I just remembered the several occasions in which Manny claimed he wanted to end his career with the Red Sox. The brutal situations in life even creep into sports. There are devastating divorces in marriage and close friendships that end suddenly. Manny’s eventual departure was like a mix of those. Can you tell I’m fucking bitter?

7) He won’t be forced to cut his hair. Is Manny seriously already getting his way in LA? Did he convince Joe Torre to allow him permission to keep his image? I bet that was Manny’s excuse: “I need to keep da hair man…you know? Da hair’s partoffmy image man…” Ten dollars says Manny has already gotten into an arguement with Torre about it and as a result didn’t hustle to that gap shot and grounded into a double play in the 9th. I can see the situation come the offseason: “The Dodgers drove me out of town. Dey don’ deservef me or ma hair man.”

8 ) Nomar jumping to his defense. Seriously. I’m getting suicidal. But oh how ironic is it that Nomar heads RIGHT back to the DL in order to make room for Manny? You know what Manny’s talking about Nomar? Well, what about your endless trips to the DL since your departure from Boston? I would agree that the Sox mistreated Nomar and drove him out of town, but is it just me or did they make the smartest move in the world in trading his rusty, worn down body away? Defending scum like Manny…he must have some nerve.

9) Manny’s wearing #99. #24 is retired so he decides to be a complete fool and take #99. He’s already drawing even more attention to himself than he already has. God I miss this silly-nanny. Who’s that number dedicated to Manny? Wayne Gretzky?

10) *sigh*…It’s Nomar all over again. I’m loving every part of Manny being somewhere else, especially since Red Sox Nation (I hate that term) has accepted and loves Jason Bay already, and yet a part of me misses Manny’s character, his slightly overboard tomfoolery, and all he’s done for this club. I’m having serious Manny withdrawals…I’m almost bipolar…wait a minute…he said we weren’t good enough for him! Go to hell Manny!

BONUS!!!

11) He’s going to sign with New York in the offseason. We all know it. Doesn’t matter if it’s the Mets or the Yankees. New York is New York. God-fucking-dammit.